The New President/Transcript

(Intro plays)

(Our episode begins where The Campaign left off)

Jonah Wormhood/The Mad Hacker: ...BUZZ!

(Crickets)

Norris Fan: BOOOOO!

Jonah: Oh, sorry. I had an outdated graph from three hours ago. Our real winner is... CHUCK NORRIS! And not Buzz. So nobody listen to the three hour old graph

Chuck Norris: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! (Completely fries Buzz's visor)

Buzz Lightyear: Woah woah woah woah, hold on! I'm the REAL president! So, I WIN! I win! I win! Uh! Uh! I win! Who's the winner? Who's the winner? Me! Me! I am! (hugs Jonah) Thank you so much, Jonah! (on the microphone) And thank you so much, all Buzz Lightyear fans, especially you, Mariah!

Mariah Markel: You're welcome, Buzz!

Buzz Lightyear Fans: (chanting) Buzz!

Jonah: Shut up, the one true president is Chuck Norris! You shouldn't have listened to the graph from three hours ago. If Buzz won't shut up, I'll tell the entire galaxy he wet his pants at Star Command once.

Chuck: Seriously, I win, and you're just a total LOSER, Buzz!!!! Is your hearing set to three hours ago? Were you hard-of-hearing when Jonah said I'M THE ONE TRUE PRESIDENT? Do you even CARE that I won?

Buzz: (Cries) WHY does everyone love Chuck better than me?

Buzz Fan: Because you're being so mean and cruel to your old friends.

Another Buzz Fan: Not to mention the irritation of "oh my space god". Four words I never want to HEAR as long as I LIVE!

Jonah, Chuck, and the Norris Fans: So HA!

(Title card: MEANWHILE, ON THE NEWS...)

News Anchor: In politics... CHUCK NORRIS WINS THE ELECTION! This is a critical spike in awesome! Not to mention Daffy's the VP and Mr. Bean is secratary. Let's go live to giant oil rig from that second Skylanders game and see how the four men from the last part's end credits feel.

(The Apex...)

News Anchor: How do you feel about Chuck Norris winning the Ultimate Presidential Election?

Man 1: This is totally SHWEET!

Man 2: He's talking about the turkey sandwiches. And Chuck's victory.

Man 3: I feel REALLY GREAT!!!

Man 4: So great, in fact, Mom passed out when she watched the results.

(Title card: BACK IN THE IMPERIAL OFFICE...)

(The cheers for Chuck Norris continue)

Buzz: Don't listen to them! I WIN! So HA!

Jonah: That's it. (Speaks into microphone) ATTENTION, GALAXY! Buzz Lightyear, NON-president, wet his pants at Star Command once!

(Buzz collapses)

(Time card: THE NEXT DAY)

Buzz: Jonah, I NEVER wet my pants at Star Command! You lied to the galaxy! (on the microphone) Attention, galaxy! It is I, non-president Buzz Lightyear! Jonah lied to you! I NEVER wet my pants at Star Command!

Buzz Fan (Man): I knew it! Jonah really IS a liar!

Buzz Fan (Girl): Jonah's a liar!

Buzz Fans: (chanting) Jonah is a liar!

Jonah: What I'm saying is, it's the truth. I even installed a survelliance camera to prove it. Luckily, I have the video with me. (Pops the video into the VCR. A sepia-tone image of Buzz wetting his pants at Star Command is shown, with the other space rangers laughing.)

Norris Fan: He's telling the truth, Buzz!

(Buzz is knocked out so unconsious he can't do EVERYTHING HE CAN for 485 years)

(Title card: THE NEXT DAY, IN THE HOUSE OF THE PRESIDENT)

Secret Cyber-Service Agent: Mr. Norris, congratulations on a big win.

Chuck: Thank you, Secr-- (BOOM!) Oops, I didn't mean to do that. So, any news?

SCSA: (With fried hand) Jonah screamed to the galaxy that Buzz wet his pants. He says it's lying, but Jonah's got the tape, and it's the truth.

Chuck: I see your point.

Buzz: NO! It's a lie! A L-I-E, LIE!

SCSA: I thought Jonah had you knocked out for 485 years!

Chuck: Yeah, so are 485 years like 17 hours to you?

Buzz: I'm telling you, it's LIES! You better listen to ME.

Chuck: Daffy?

Daffy Duck: (Walks in) You're diffthpicable! (Apologies if I spelled it wrong) Because you really DID wet your pants.

Buzz: I did NOT wet my pants, liar!

Jonah: (Appears) Yes you DID! Not to mention I know who switched the final graph to the three-hour-old one. It was my cousin, the Mini Hacker. He wrecks campaign posters and votegraphs.

Mr. Bean: So this is your punishment for lying, Buzz. (Whacks Buzz with hammer and he flies out of the President's House, bumping into the novelty rickshaw on the roof of Rickshaw City, then the rickshaw crashes Buzz through the roof of Linoleum Titan, and finally, Buzz gets punched out of the Cyberworld by the novelty glove atop Big Bang Video Rentals.)

(But then we see a cycle of Chuck Norris in political mumbo-jumbo, with stuff around him blowing up)

(Title card: MEANWHILE, IN ABU DHABI...)

(CRASH!)

Abu Dhabi Citizen: (Runs outside) Say, it must be a spaceman meteor! I heard on TV that you lost an election to Chuck Norris, and wet your pants once. (DING DONG!) That must be the mailman with some gray kitten from Indiana. (Runs out of the screen, ending the episode)

Credits Scene
(Title card: IF BUZZ HAD WON...)

Chuck Norris: (Over the sounds of Buzz fans cheering) You guys are SO IMMATURE! (Explosion happens, causing BNFB, Starman, Teleram, the Norris fans, the Buzz fans, Jonah, Preston, Drill-X, the four men, and everyone else from last part to run away)

(Then, the production logos are shown as if they were in an earthquake)

Cast

 * Samuel Vincent as The Mad Hacker, Man #1
 * Doug Walker as Norris Fan, Teleram, Man #2
 * Richard S. Horvitz as TheStarman, Jonah, Man #3
 * J.G. Quintel as Bill Nye Fanboy, Man #4
 * Chuck Norris as himself (who else?)